Cannot Stand

Sigh how sad it is that even on here people think I am an overemotional lesbain. So to set things straight lol. I am straight even though i strongly supposet LBGT and just because of my overwhelming ties and most of my stories relating to them does not mean that I am among them. Ok... off to the real purpose of this.

Rayne.. how you worry me. Your illness worsening just as the scars on your arms seem to run deeper and become more prevalent. I want you to find peace I want the voice the screams the anger I want it all to stop for you so badly. If for one day.. heck for the rest of them if I could take them away and give you peace to let you find yourself I would. Your worries that you tell me only make me worry more. I will not always be here to try and rescue you or calm you the best I can. I honestly would try my best but even that might not be enough. Please dont let it consume you. Please fight I know it is a daily struggle but please fight if not for yourself for me for your family and for everyone who loves you. None of us can ever truly understand what is happening to you but we can try our best.  Always remember I care and I love you even if is not something you wish for me to do it is always there for you.

Bliss

Classes are going great. My teacher is strangely intrigued by me which is something new. Most of of my professors could car less let alone take a vested interest. It is kinda nice feeling wanted and valued for once. Everyone of my papers she makes such positive comments and is very interested in what I write. It is all confidental and sometimes I think my papers turn more into journals than anything. It is so awkward to be stopped by a teacher before class and having them complement me on my paper telling me that they agree with me or have some understanding in a current dilemma.  I never thought that I would be so interested in these classes either or actually have so much to add and learn from. I should thank Rayne for that I guess.

Speaking of him. I thought that this summer would clear my mind and let me learn patience and distance with him. He certainly is good at the silence aspect. I try and maintain contact and it has been a waste of time mostly until of late. It was so strange actually recieveing a message saying he missed me. I had all but gave up on him and figured that my replacement had bemused him into the reality that I am not returning for a long time. Hopefully he continues to stay in contact it so nice to hear from him!

Following Secrets

No one sees me nobody cares
I live in a different reality than theirs
Follow the Prince mad of mind
Play the games
See who gets hurt this time

Shall I reach for the rabbit
or will it be the blade
a touch of maddness
I must keep at bay

No magic powers
Nothing but my human soul
Defenseless and meek
This secret takes its toll

What is normal?
I cannot tell no more