Annoyance

I find myself a very tenderhearted person. Somedays my patience astounds me. I am not sure how I manage to sit there and listen to mostly mind numbing conversation that is currently coming at me from the person who I do not hate but can only stand in short bursts. I swear it is like having a conversation with the combination of the energizer bunny and a rock. It keeps going on and on but it really isn't saying anything.

Can I come visit!? What are you doing!? Can I borrow some money?! My mom and my sister did this ya da ya da.. I babysat this one kid and its their birthday is that not the most amazing thing!  Ooo look a bug crawling across my face into my nasal cavity!.. It tickles.. hehehe.. WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP! Well at least that is what I am saying on the inside but I can never put that out there. I hate seeing people hurt, even people whom I know hate me and who have betrayed me in multiple ways I find it hard to just tell them to, putting this as nicely as I can, Go to Hell.

I always find some trait some emotion something that just keeps me attached to them and enables me to continue my relations. I swear I could find a good quality even in the worst of people. I bet if Hitler stood right in front of me and I knew nothing of the horrors he was going to create and I talked with him I would find something that intrigued me enough to maintain a relationship with him. Horrible example I know, apologies to anyone I offended but he is the first example that popped in my head. Being brash and upfront with my distaste is just not what I do. I will nicely put every one of my words and beat around the bush hoping you get the hint. Sometimes I will put on a lovely mask of happiness and understanding just so I can get out of the current situation without a fight in hopes that I will not have to see that individual for a long long time. Spineless, I know but that is how I have managed to keep so many relations alive even though I wish a few would just disappear. I have had so few open, I will tell you what I really think relations.. Ok.. maybe one or two but that is only because those individuals have a tendency to be straight forward and expect the same. Good medicine for me I guess. Perhaps I will eventually find that spine I am missing at times and pick myself up from being the lovely doormat you step on occasionally.