The Knight Lies

Its not you Its me
I just don't like you that way
Can't we just be friends
I'm not into girls like you
Your like a sister

So many ways to let someone down. It hurts to be pushed away and never given a chance. You love them but they do not love you back or at least not in the way you want them to. It is mind numbing and painful not to be wanted, not to be desired especially by those whom we admire the deepest. You crave to just be given the chance to show them that perhaps you are their soul mate but they push you away. Most are kind enough to use the above statements but hidden beneath them the truth of what they are really saying is hidden. They know not to say you are just not attractive to them and to shove the blame or potential somewhere else. There is always someone else that you can have or someone else that you deserve. They always say there is some sort of knight in shining armor waiting for you but they are just not it. So I am not worth the try is what you are saying? I am not good enough for you but someone else out there is willing to take what you deemed not worthy? They try and calm your tears just so they will not have to feel your anger at the truth behind your words. Sure, in some situations those words are true and perhaps it is at risk of loosing a great friendship but it does not stop the ache. So you give up and hope to find someone new. Someone who is not so shallow but what happens when that journey seems to never end? No one gives you a chance and they all shove you aside, then what? You find yourself thinking of the ones you almost had and the ones you never will. You find yourself lost in emotion and loneliness. It slowly turns to despair. Perhaps the taste of alcohol or drugs seems to fill that abyss that you now have for a heart. It seems there is no light even when you are surrounded by friends who try to push you in the right direction but it always leads to another loss, another name added to the list of people to whom you are not worthy. So then when you are lost and alone you keep hold to those words that those who have shoved you away. There is someone for everyone..... just not you, the words are a treacherous cycle that slowly consumes you. Soon everyone leaves because they do not want to be taken down with you and they have their own loves to worry about. What are you left with... the memories of every denial, the failure of your attempts, and the shattered dreams. Yet, you hold on because even tho the darkness has consumed you there is still a tiny spark of hope that you hold on to. Perhaps a friend or family member has decided to still stand by you and try and battle your inner demons. Will they help find the light? For my sake I hope so.