Emotions-Apologies- Gifts- Acceptance

After reading my previous post I feel slightly worried about myself. Some of the things I said contradict my open minded notion of accepting other ideas whole-heartedly but even my mind swings shut in periods of extreme emotion. I need to work on how they affect me so much because they really do blind my judgement at times. The people or should I say person I was describing mostly in my previous post lets just say brought me to a very very angry will you just listen my way or the highway I am woman hear me roar kinda point which happens occasionally. So to set things straight no I do not hate them, yes I will continue to listen to their opinions because I would other wise contradict myself, and yes I am truly an occasional doormat but not always. I will stand up for whom I care deeply about and can be passionate in things when I want to be. Ok.. enough about this on to the other subject at hand.

Gifts.. Items given to express so many different things. A lot of times you can tell how much you mean to a person just by looking at what they give but of course there are those people out there who are just horrible gift givers and lack any taste at all and the theory of it's the thought that counts really applies to. There are also those who hate receiving gifts because they either feel in debt to that person or do not feel worth the thought that taken to give them things. These people puzzle me. At our human core we cannot help but to desire or wish for things. What easier way to better get that by through gifts. Do they not see the joy it does bring some people to give them a gift. I love seeing their eyes light up, a smile cross their face, and just the variety of emotions to watch and analyze. Then there are those who give gifts all the time. They buy things for you randomly and expect nothing in return or do not want you to give them anything back. It is admirable to be selfless like that and not require repayment but when someone is willing to gift them back and they push it away it is often so discouraging. I just want to yell I bought this for you because you are amazing and you have helped me out so much will you please just accept it! Then they begrudgingly do but its not to long before they run off and get you something else. I personally have a problem when people other than relatives spend large sums of money on me. If you spend twenty bucks on me I am a happy camper but when you are will just to whip out sixty to eighty dollars for a gift then it is very very hard for me to accept. I am a person who feels that I must pay you back in some form and with such a large amount of money it makes it difficult for me to do things. I hate that feeling that I am not able to completely show how much they mean to me because of my current limited income. I guess money should not mean everything but that is so hard to see in a society run on greed.