Just so frustrated with things right now. It seems I am failing at everything and I cannot do nothing right. I do not know what to do in my life anymore. College is pissing me off.. I feel like dropping out at time but I feel like I would just crush a lot of dreams that way. All I do is worry about everyone else. It is screwing up my life but I feel so lonely without having to worry about someone or something. My family has taken the news of my grades a lot better than expected but they are not happy at all. They have their suspicions as to why I failed and blame it on me and my friends to a degree. Accusing them of things that they cannot help and that my family does not know much about. They do not know my friends like I do and yes I know sometimes.. ok a lot of times I am taken advantage of financially. It my fault also tho because I have the capability to say no but I hate to disappoint people.
My mom has been after me again about the whole having gay friends thing. " If you ever want a straight man you have to get out of the bars and stay away from all those gays"" It makes you look gay when you hang out with them all the time".. Sigh I can see the disappointment in my mom's eyes at the fact that I do not nor have ever had a boy friend only gay friends. She has no idea how much it hurts when she pressures me like that. I want a guy to but seriously pushing me isn't going to help. I wish she could see how lonely I feel and understand that it is hard for me to approach or even relate to a lot of guys it seems. I don't want to be alone. It's not my choice to be single. I just cant help the only thing I seem to attract are gay men and married old farts. I love my gays very much so if I do I ever get a guy which the likely hood of occurring declines everyday they will have to freaking live with it because my friends comes first.
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